Tom’s Tomorrow?
If I Had a ‘Hammer’: The Contest

“Tom DeLay, you’re leaving Congress. What are you going to do now?”

Let’s take bets on DeLay’s next move - will he…

…go back to killing cockroaches at Albo Pest Control (where he was chairman of the board)?
ODDS 100:1

…keep running Americans for a Republican Majority Political Action Committee (the PAC he founded)?
ODDS 3:1

…take some administration or teaching role at Baylor University (his alma mater)?
ODDS 5:1

…work for one of his all-time top 5 campaign contributors: National Auto Dealers Assn ($71,600), National Assn of Realtor ($71,100), JP Morgan Chase & Co ($64,750), United Parcel Service ($64,479), SBC Communications ($61,499)?
ODDS 4:1

…take a job with Patton Boggs LLP (Washington’s biggest lobbying firm)?
ODDS 3.5:1

All money raised will go towards the Tom DeLay Legal Expense Trust (kidding! - it’s actually going into our Tuesday Afternoon Martini Fund… it’s tax-deductible. Really!)

Popularity: 2%

This entry was posted on Tuesday, April 4th, 2006 at 11:17 am and is filed under Politics. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

13 Responses to “Tom’s Tomorrow?
If I Had a ‘Hammer’: The Contest”

1. Station Agent Says:
   April 11th, 2006 at 11:14 am

   Hammertime With Tom DeLay on Fox News Channel.

   No doubt.

2. xoites Says:
   April 11th, 2006 at 11:18 am

   Serve time, get religion and write a book his friends will buy by the boxcar load to get it on the Best Seller List?
   ODDS 2:1

3. The Amazing Kreskin Says:
   April 11th, 2006 at 12:05 pm

   Be somebody’s bitch in jail, learn to like it, get released, get a forums account at PLANET OUT, join in a gay pride parade in the summer of 2019.

4. Jason Says:
   April 11th, 2006 at 12:17 pm

   hey, I need a teusday afternoon martini fund, forward me the tax info to get it deductible… j/k

   My money is on Delay becoming a lobbbyist, if he can get a job after being in prison. I wonder if him and abramoff will be able to share a cell?

5. Gaia sighs... Says:
   April 11th, 2006 at 12:58 pm

   As a leopard only changes spots by relocating, I’m sure the next time Tom picks up his hammer, it will have assumed the shape of a cross…

6. weefs Says:
   April 11th, 2006 at 1:09 pm

   So he went to Baylor, eh? No wonder he’s a fundamentalist crook.

7. InsaneDisabled Says:
   April 11th, 2006 at 1:34 pm

   Find work as a male stripper/gigolo — a step up from what he was doing before!

8. chris crase Says:
   April 11th, 2006 at 1:45 pm

   Serve his time, and then he will
   Start a gay escort website and start covering the White House beat…

   or
   Enlist in the Army and serve in Iraq as an infantryman…

   or
   move to American Samoa and work in a sweatshop as a forced abortion provider

9. DANIEL Says:
   April 11th, 2006 at 2:05 pm

   Get onto the board of Amtrack - he’s always wanted to make the trains run on time.

10. shieldvulf Says:
    April 11th, 2006 at 3:01 pm

    Crawl back into the slime, arms devolving into flippers, legs fusing into a tail, and growing a full coat of scales!

    Oh. And bottom-feeding. But you knew that.

11. der_Alte Says:
    April 11th, 2006 at 4:41 pm

    it’s v. likely he’ll do what our other discredited Congresssman Gingrich did, write a book & work in the background stirring up ‘new Hell.’

12. Juan Hughjazz Says:
    April 12th, 2006 at 7:04 am

    easy. televangelist.

13. utopiate Says:
    April 12th, 2006 at 11:17 am

    …I’m going to Disneyland! Booyah! WOOT! WOOT!